To know where you're going is to know where you've been.

            Adolescence is a time in most people’s lives where we really feel the need to find who we truly are as individuals.  Defining our persona and ‘fitting in’ with whichever group seems cool for that year, or week even, is what is most important.  When I was in middle school that was my biggest concern; which crowd I belonged to.  I had a best friend, Nichole, all the way from fourth grade to eighth grade.  She wasn’t a part of the “popular crowd” I so dearly wanted to be involved with, so I was constantly betraying our friendship in order to please others.  Rather than stepping back and realizing she was the true friend I really had, I crapped all over our friendship to be a part of this seemingly prestigious group of people.  I was competitive with cheerleading, one of the best clarinet players in the school band, and was the center for our school’s basketball team.  Although that doesn’t seem like much now, those are pretty high achievements for a middle school girl.  The only time I spoke to Nichole was when my other so-called friends ditched me or were being mean to me.  As cheesy as it may sound, she was my rock.  It wasn’t until high school, when things got really rocky, that I realized how horribly I had screwed up.  I wanted to change who I was, be the unique individual that stands out in the crowd, but realized I couldn’t do it alone.  She wound up losing her virginity to the guy of my dreams (at the time anyway), was stigmatized as the school slut, got into drugs, and dropped out of school.  All of my not-so-amazing friends from middle school started hanging out with the older crowd, so I had to make my own transition.  I found a new crowd that I could associate with; one where I still felt important. 

In society today it is a questionable idea for an individual to have a structured persona.  To sit back and say “I am _____” is to say, “I know who I am,” but the truth of the matter is, we don’t.  No one knows who they are.  Rob Burton, in his narrative Artists of the Floating World says it perfectly: “to be a citizen of the floating world is to recognize and acknowledge the narratives that constitute our identity; furthermore, it is understood that these narratives are constantly in the process of being reshaped and rewritten” (Burton, 131).  Burton continues with the idea that it is not only we, but society that is influential on defining and reshaping our identities as individuals.  We all like to believe that our individualistic nature as human beings is derived out of a unique persona; out of something we created on our own.  The truth of the matter is that individuals do very little in defining their own identity.  The simple act of purchasing a t-shirt in society today is influenced by everything around us.  My brother, for example, always claims that the media and the rest of society is not influential on his way of dressing, the actions he makes in life, the food he eats, etc.  Why is it, then, that the car he drives is so nice?  The cologne he wears, the clothes he dresses himself in, the technology he has, is all part of our popular culture?

We all are influenced, in some way or another, to be the person we are.  Throughout the course of Multicultural Literature we read a novel, Jasmine, by Bharati Mukherjee.  The main character in this narrative, Jasmine, was questioned in this course as to whether or not she was running away from something old, or running toward something new.  I reached the conclusion that she was, in fact, running toward something new; a better lifestyle.  The irony behind it all, in my opinion, is the idea that within every step of the novel, every stop to her destination, she was given a new identity.  One minute she’s Jyoti, then she’s Jane, then Jasmine, and so on (I’m still not really sure what to call her).  Within every group of people she encounters, she acts according to the way she is treated.  In a previous blog I wrote concerning this novel, Reverse Psychology, I made reference to the idea that this could not be her preconceived destination.  When continuing on with this course and learning more about the role of identity, I came up with a new question: does she even have a destination?  It seems that Jasmine was simply skipping around from one location to the next, waiting for a new identity to be placed upon her, and then determine whether she likes it or not.  In the instances she doesn’t, as we see in the novel, she carries on to a new destination.  Perhaps Jasmine knew all along what she wanted her identity to be, but because we cannot define ourselves without the help of societal influence, she needed that group of people to create a character for her.

In a more abstract view we could say that as participants of society, we jump around from frame to frame, picture to picture, group to group.  As I mentioned in my introduction, the group of friends I thought I had in middle school left me went I went into high school, so I obviously had no choice but to join another group.  Emile Durkheim, a Sociological Theorist I studied in a different course, tells us that society forms the individual.  There is no individual in the floating world.  We are all born into preexisting societies that shape our persona.  Without these groups we feel helpless.  People need these groups, these forms of associations, to feel important in the floating world.  I must say, however, that the frames we jump in and out of, year after year, have the biggest influence on us.           

In the novel, A Question of Power, by Bessie Head, we see the main character, Elizabeth, living a frameless life.  The storyline consists of a woman going mad, and the reader has the benefit of being a part of the psyche.  Even as a woman I can clearly say, I had a difficult time keeping up!  It is clear by this novel that a life without frames makes for an impossible style of living.  Growing up without any real culture, race, practical existence, family, etc. can be detrimental to an individual and his/her upbringing.  To know where you’re going, you must know where you’ve been.  Poor Elizabeth in this novel has no idea where she’s been and clearly no idea where she is going.  Without being told what to do her whole life, or having any sort of consoling from others, created a woman gone mad.

This all causes me to question my own existence as an individual.  The frames I have jumped around from starting at birth have created the individual I am today.  The term individual, according to www.dictionary.com, is “a single human being, as distinguished from a group.”  The moments throughout the history of my life have all been shaped and reshaped by those who are involved.  I think it would be selfish to give myself too much credit for being who I am today.  The things I cherish in my own personal life (independence, freedom, love, friends, family) all have stories behind them; there’s always a reason for why we value the things we do.  I am in no way saying this is a bad thing, but I do think it is inevitable.  An idea I sprouted from reading my favorite theorist, Durkheim, about the importance individuals have in society.  Although we all feel meaningless at times, we can see ourselves as puzzle pieces.  Each individual is their own puzzle piece, but the only way for society to function correctly is for all of the puzzle pieces to match up.  We must take what society has to offer about our individuality and make sure we stand our ground in the puzzle.  Even though the puzzle pieces may shift, the idea of a new picture forming in the end seems reason enough for me.