Color Blind

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies

soon grow color-blind. ~Austin O’Malley~

            I believe that being the younger sibling in my family has helped put my foot in the door when it comes to telling what we like to call ‘little’ white lies.  These ‘little’ white lies that we tell tend to lead to other ‘little’ white lies and eventually bring about a full-blown lie – the real thing.  As the lies continue, they tend to become a reality that did not exist before it was fabricated, and we then become color-blind to its actual content.  I can remember a thousand instances with my brother and I where I should have been the one to get grounded for breaking a dish or starting a fight or eating the last cookie, but one moment in particular came to mind when thinking up the topic of dishonesty. 

My parents had a lamp in their bedroom when I was younger; it was really tall and the white lamp shade would spin and had sort of fabric strings swinging at the bottom.  I would twirl and twirl the shade when no one was watching because I knew I would get in trouble for ‘breaking’ it – odd how parents get so paranoid over the smallest things.  Anyhow, one day I felt like being really adventurous and sticking a wad of pink gum on the dangling strings.  Unable to get the gum off without it being too obvious, I decided to be really smart and just cut off the entire section where the gum was caught.  I turned the part of the shade toward the wall, went into my bedroom, and continued with my day like nothing had happened.  My mom noticed that evening that the lamp was ruined and questioned both my brother and I.  Without hesitation, I denied ever having been in her room that day and pointed the finger straight at my brother.  Since no one was caught in the act she couldn’t accuse either of us for anything and did one of those really amazing things parents do when they can’t figure out which child to blame –grounded us both.

About a week into our grounding, with a guilty conscious, I confessed to my mother about the gum incident.  I received a really good and meaningful lecture, and left the room feeling so accomplished that I learned such a valuable, life-changing lesson – don’t chew gum and stick it on a lamp.  The simple fact that I lied at the snap of a finger, as a child, to get myself out of trouble makes me believe that there was a purpose behind the falsehood.  As minor as it may sound, it seems as though telling these ‘little’ white lies are what keep us all sort of at safety.  We lie to stay out of trouble, we lie to get our way, we lie to survive. 

To avoid hypocrisy we must all accept the fact that we lie.  It may not be an intentional act of dishonesty, but we all, in some way or another, do so to help ourselves in various situations.  The lies we tell become seemingly imbedded into our psyches and eventually become the truth that we know.  In the novel, A Question of Power, by Bessie Head, one may see the main character, Elizabeth, as a liar; as dishonest.  It is difficult to make this assumption so short into the narrative, and I believe the attack has been made on her too soon.  Obviously Elizabeth has undergone an incredibly difficult life thus far, according to her character.

The dishonesty that one may see when reading this novel seems to stem from the stories and relationships Elizabeth has.  One in particular, the seemingly imagined individual, is what I would call the reason for stigmatizing Elizabeth as dishonest.  In this sense I think schizophrenia would be a better term than dishonest.  Growing up without ever feeling wanted and never really having an identity will put one somewhat in a state of depression.  In order to overcome the depression people need to vent – let loose.  The moment in time where she does trust someone, Sello, she is showed once more that people cannot be trusted.  Other than the child she has that is hardly mentioned, she has no one.  She wasn’t being dishonest, but this Godly character that came into her mind is like the dream-man that is keeping her as sane as she can be.

We can call Elizabeth’s imagined character the reason for her color-blindness.  As her scapegoat, this character emerged to give her various prophecies to get her through each day.  It’s almost like how, excuse me for using this term, but a ‘normal’ individual would have a subconscious, but we are able to see and Elizabeth is able to actually associate with hers.  By branding her as dishonest I think we are being unfair.  But then, in contrary, what if she is lying?  I can sit here and discuss reasons we shouldn’t put this blame on her, but how am I to judge?  Elizabeth, possibly, has been telling ‘little’ white lies her whole life to help her in an attempt to succeed.  The white lies have led her to the life she has in the novel, and all we see and know is what I keep referring to as the color-blindness.  The thought process I keep going through is why is it such a problem?  Quite possibly we are all in her position but are too unaware to confess.  Perhaps we all are color-blind.